Emotional Withdrawal: Definition, Causes, Dangers, and Treatment
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Causes of Emotional Withdrawal
Depression or other mental disorders
When you find yourself being emotionally withdrawn or avoidant, it may be because you are suffering anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns. After all, emotional withdrawal manifested as isolation is one of the many telltale signs of depression.
Stress or overwhelming emotions
Black women are considered the most vulnerable to stress as we experience racial and sexist projections at home, at work, and in society. Working hard and tirelessly to either fit into or rise above the barriers and stereotypes set before us may cause us to experience high levels of stress until we become numb, emotionally exhausted, and unavailable.
Aside from stress, negative emotions such as grief, anger, sorrow, guilt, and shame may be felt so strongly that they can lead us to cave in to escape and protect ourselves from further pain.
Fear
You will be less likely to express yourself to others if you are afraid of being rejected by others. It's the same with being confrontational. If you're afraid of someone reacting negatively or making you feel uncomfortable, you may refrain from expressing your discontent with something they've done to you.
Also, if you grew up in an environment where vulnerability was frowned upon, you may develop a fear of emotional intimacy or find it uncomfortable.
Whatever the case, emotional withdrawal can stem from fear.
Traumatic past experiences
Childhood trauma or trauma caused by neglect, loss, physical or emotional abuse, and sudden life changes could cause a person to develop irrational thought patterns and curl into themselves when they should speak up about how they are feeling instead.
Anger or resentment
The angry Black woman stereotype being a big part of the American culture contributes negatively to Black women’s emotional health because it makes it hard for us to express our displeasure and anger openly.
For women who struggle to express their anger appropriately, it may be even harder to work around the stereotype. They may find it easier to shut down or stuff their emotions, ultimately building long-term resentment towards their offenders. The more resentment they build, the more bitter and closed-off they become towards people.
Dangers of Emotional Withdrawal
Withdrawing into yourself can be beneficial when you are taking time to reflect on yourself, process or sort your feelings, protect yourself from unwanted pain, and allow overwhelming negative emotions like anger or grief to subside before engaging in a conversation. However, it may become unhealthy when it becomes an automatic response to triggering situations.
Repressing your emotions and retreating into your world will keep your loved ones in the dark. You may start to resent them for not reading or understanding your silence, and they, on the other hand, will feel hurt, abandoned, confused, and alone by the emotional distance you’ve created.
Whether or not they are the reason behind your emotional detachment, they won’t know how you truly feel until you communicate openly. In the end, emotional withdrawal can sever the bond, love, and trust between you and those who love you.
Also, if you continue to pick silence over expression when you feel hurt, stressed, afraid, unsafe, or triggered, you may increase your likelihood of self-harming, self-medicating with substances, and developing depression or other mental disorders.
Unlearning the Behavior: How to Overcome Emotional Withdrawal
Recognize that emotional withdrawal is your coping mechanism.
It will be easier to work actively towards overcoming emotional withdrawal once you recognize that it is your way of coping with stress or uncomfortable situations and that it is a learned and unhealthy practice.
Call yourself out every time you feel yourself withdrawing. Here are some examples of how to do so:
I am distancing myself right now instead of speaking out about how hurt I was by what she said to me.
I am seeking activities to immerse my mind and heart because I want to get away from communicating to Celina just how disappointed I am in myself for losing the deal.
Recognizing and honestly calling yourself out is such a big first step. Acknowledging your emotions and why it is hard for you to express them to others might make it easier to close the distance you've created and give voice to your feelings.
Try putting labels on your feelings.
Affect Labeling is an emotional regulation technique that requires you to recognize, name, and give voice to your emotions. It's nothing more than putting your sentiments into words. You employ Affect Labeling when you write down how you're feeling, chat about your concerns to your spouse or therapist, or post about some of your negative experiences on social media.
Here are three steps to using Affect Labeling:
As soon as you sense an overwhelming or unwelcomed emotion and feel the need to withdraw from others, you should scrutinize it and ask yourself these questions:
What emotion am I feeling right now?
Why am I feeling this way?
Put your feelings into written or spoken words using “I feel…” statements. For example, say “I feel anger” instead of “I am angry.” Doing this will help build a mindset that your emotions don’t own you and make it easier to exercise your power to express them appropriately.
Develop your emotional regulation skills.
Invest in books, videos, or courses that teach emotional regulation. Sharpening your emotional regulation skills will improve your emotional intelligence, ability to handle your own and others' emotions, and how you cope with situations.
Manage your stress.
If you can't help but feel emotionally distant when you're under a lot of pressure or stress, the best thing to do would be to manage your stress and avoid reaching the point of emotional exhaustion or unavailability.
Here are some ways you can manage your stress:
Increase your physical activity level
Meditate
Find a hobby or pick up an activity you used to enjoy
Practice gratitude
Create a work-life balance
Set boundaries
Learn to say no
Practice self-care daily
Keep a journal
Try deep breathing exercises
Seeking Professional Help
Working with a mental health professional, preferably a behavioral therapist or psychotherapist, will help you unearth any childhood trauma, fears, or thought patterns behind your behavior and deal with them appropriately. They may also diagnose you with a mental health problem and devise healthy coping mechanisms based on your personality.
If you wish to seek professional help and don’t know where or how to begin, please see Therapy For Black Girls or go to Innopysch or the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association’s official website to locate (or virtual-meet) therapists of color in your area. And if you need any financial assistance for seeking therapy, please see The Loveland Foundation.
It is critical to have a support system while actively seeking help. Getting a lot of love, kindness, patience, and understanding from your partner, friends, and family may help you communicate more openly and slowly but surely overcome your emotional withdrawal and avoidance.